In the end, coming home has been mentally easier than I thought it would be.  I have been back in St. Louis for almost a week and I have become very comfortable already.  I have eaten a lot of burritos, cuddled with my enormous cats, and rolled my eyes more than once at family members (in a very loving way).  Except for the painfully oppressive jet lag, it's like I didn't even go half way around the world...unless someone jogs my memory by asking me about it.  Physically, I feel a bit brain dead and drained.  I had to concentrate very hard yesterday to remember my social security number for a clerk at Macy's.  It seems to take me longer to answer simple questions by midday and forget about talking to me once the time hits five PM or later.  This is not a good thing as I have two interviews lined up this week and quick thinking brain power is desirable for most employers.

So hopefully writing this blog will be good exercise for me.  I am to reflect on my strengths and areas for continued growth as a future teacher based on my experiences abroad.  This week I have an interview for an ESL teacher and I think my time in Seoul will come in very useful.  I am pleased I had the opportunity to become more culturally aware by working with a different culture, experiencing a different way of living, a different way of thinking about life, the future and education.  I believe by the end I became more aware of cultural differences and how to work with them to ensure better lessons and understanding in the classroom.

I was happy with how I was able to problem solve with regard to classroom management.  Using techniques and strategies learned in classes at UMSL I was able to see firsthand how differentiation works well with diverse students or students culturally different from the teacher.  It motivated me to work harder at discovering options for negative issues in the classroom by means of different educational strategies over discipline.  I will continue to use this method in the future as I believe it worked out well for me at Seoul Global.

I was also pleased with how much I enjoyed teaching once I finally got down to it.   I was surprised how much my attitude changed from anger about teaching Economics and dreading all the classes, to appreciating the students and wanting to do very well for them so they really understood the information.  I want that feeling to extend to my future teaching career which will ensure I am putting my all into the lesson plans and activities.

I know I have said it before but I am very grateful for this opportunity and I know that this student teaching experience is incomparable to anything I could have experienced in St. Louis.  I am hopeful that I keep the memory of South Korea at the forefront of my mind in order to use what I have learned to continue to build on my strengths and become a more well rounded teacher.

I said goodbye to everyone at Seoul Global High School yesterday.  It was our last day of student teaching and it was a sad, sad day.  I had an inkling of how difficult it would be to leave the school, the staff and the kids but I had not fully prepared myself for overwhelming, hard-core emotions.  Simple things like turning my books back into the librarian or walking out of my classes when they were over were ridiculously hard things to do!

The day started off with my Home Room teacher asking both Bonnie and me to come to his office where he presented us with a delicious, white cake with whipped cream frosting we ate with chopsticks.  Cake for breakfast?  Never a bad idea.

CAKE!

My cooperating teacher and Bonnie's cooperating teacher took us both out to lunch for a traditional Jeju island seafood soup.  It was beautiful and delicious.  It was relaxing to have a moment away from the school and served as an opportunity to tell our CTs about our appreciation for everything they had done for us.  Mine in particular, I am so grateful for her allowing me to make changes in class and her expressing confidence in my teaching through the last couple of months.  She is always encouraging, but as a very experienced teacher, gave me great suggestions--and I always used all of them.

The students were so wonderful, sincere and kind.  Students I did not think would notice my absence even gave me individual send-offs that made my chest tighten as I tried not to cry.  (There was a whole lot of trying not to cry yesterday.)  I can still see their sad faces in my mind.  In my Home Room class, in the afternoon, I gave the students little send off packages and told them how much I appreciated everything--their explanations of school events, how sweet they are, coming to talk to me during their lunch breaks, etc.  Then they gave me more gifts...some for my birthday that had passed and some for leaving. I have included pictures of the gifts and explanations in the blog.

After school at the faculty meeting, Bonnie and I were given a nice goodbye from the principal and given gifts.  We were asked to speak (Bonnie and I are having to become very good at public speaking on the fly:) so we able to tell everyone how this experience had been very beneficial to us, how much we enjoyed our time and how heartbreaking a day it was for us.

It's still strange to think we will not be going back there.  I know I am ready to go home, but, I loved my time at this school unlike any job I have ever had.  Yesterday was one of the longest, hardest goodbyes I have ever gone through.  Even so, I am so grateful for the opportunity and the saturated kindnesses paid to us by everyone.  Coming to Korea was certainly one of the best decisions I have ever made and I have no regrets about my time spent here.

One of my classes had this for me when I walked in. ...And I got an ovation...hah

Okay, Philip.

That's me at the bottom holding the textbook for the class :)

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My other wonderful class wrote me out messages saying goodbye! Many of them wrote they were "sorry for sleeping..." I got such a good laugh out of these.  So sweet!!!

Lunch!

One of my gifts.  I think they are actually Christmas stockings. But they make great horns!

I thought the students in my Home Room class bought me an album and I thought that was so thoughtful.  When I got back to our little "office" I opened it and saw they actually made me an album with pictures of themselves and personal messages. This was pretty much the time that I couldn't handle it anymore!!

More messages from the students...

The pen is from the principal.  The pin is from my Home Room teacher.

Our wonderful, beautiful librarian gave us snacks and kiwis from her grandmother's kiwi tree.  She was so awesome the entire time we overtook her library!

Gifts from the students!  So thoughtful!!

It's bordering on crunch time here in Seoul as I work endlessly on my assignments and portfolio, in between my lessons, in order to have everything done before Friday of next week.  Even with a day off in the middle, this has been my most stressful week yet.  Having spent most of my time here at Seoul Global learning and planning for economics, I had neglected my portfolio which remained bare until this past Monday.  I have been scrambling to put it together and have made some decent progress, but, as always, I fear it's not good enough, and the thought of turning it in is making me slightly ill.  The only thing I can do is just keep working and reworking until it resembles something I can be proud of.

We had Thursday off this week for the Korean SATs.  Once a year the third year students in all of South Korea take the test that will literally determine their lives.  The student's score on the KSAT will be the deciding factor of whether or not they may possibly be accepted into one of the top three schools in Korea (again, called SKY collectively).  SKY is the only choice for the students at Seoul Global High and on Wednesday, the entire school turned out for what I can only describe as an educational "pep rally" to cheer on the third year students.  It was pretty amazing.  The band played on the soccer field and the second and first year students created a human tunnel for the third years to walk through as they were being cheered on to the big sign at the end of the tunnel with "Seoul National University" written in big letters waved in front of them.  There were lots of hugs from the teachers, I saw some students crying, it was a pretty enormous spectacle for a test.  And I had to keep reminding myself when I was watching the rally, that all of this was being done for a test.

For our blogs this week, we are supposed to discuss motivation. I thought that was well timed after witnessing the events of the week to help keep the students taking the KSATs motivated and focused on their goals.  While I felt the students pressure with this grand gesture (which was apparently a first at SGHS), the students seemed to respond positively to it.  Although I am against the pressure these students are placed under to pass one standardized test to determine whether or not they are deemed intelligent enough to attend the college of their choosing, I hope the pep rally helped the students on Thursday, I know it is their goal to do very well.

More specifically were were asked to discuss intrinsic motivation and what we have done to encourage this.  For my own classes, I think it was important to first know a bit about their background, how much they had already covered in economics and to start at an appropriate level so as to not bore them or make them feel like I was "dumbing down" the lessons.  I asked my CT about my lesson plans and would further ask her to point out things that the students already knew and what I should pay more attention to.  As time went on, I would try to vary the lesson plans so the students would stop being bored (and falling asleep).  I gave the students choices for the review by telling them we can either play online activities or we can continue with the textbook handouts...this seemed to help their motivation to participate and cooperate with the activities.  There were no tangible rewards given in class for winners of the online activities (candy, points, etc...) so I believe this would be considered intrinsic.  In class when I felt the students were not paying enough attention to important formulas or definitions, I would remind them of how important the information was for future assignments, scaffolding or the final.  This would motivate most students to pay more attention and take better notes or question items they did not understand.

So as I look forward to my last week of teaching and last week of seeing the students I hope that what I have learned will follow me back to America where the students lack the self motivation that Korean students have.  I hope I am able to encourage participation, cooperation and good behavior with students who are not weighed down with the stress of the KSAT and whose future options are quite a bit more open and free.

Our question to answer this week is:
What have you learned about yourself and being an American that you did not know before?

My first reaction to this question (for at least a few seconds) was, "I'm thirty years old.  I'm pretty aware of myself.  I don't think there is anything I don't know about me."   I instintually knew that wasn't true.  What would the point of coming all the way across the world to learn nothing about myself have been?  While I do think that I have a good idea of who I am as a person, the new experiences here in South Korea has introduced new perspectives on what I believe and what I would like to teach to future students. 

 Instead of the stead fast opponent of anything new or different I have always considered myself, I have found myself to be quite adaptable here.  I have traveled for school in the past and was sadened at how badly I adapted, or in fact, did not adapt at all.  There are a lot of things like home here in Seoul (food, people, attitudes, etc.) and I owe a good deal to those comforts.  I made more of an effort to try new things, accept invitations for dinners and other events, and push my homesickness back so that I could get the full experience out of this trip.  At home I hate going out more than once a week...here I have dinner with different people 3-4 times a week.  At home I hate straying from a routine...here I only have small routines that involve getting ready for school or winding down to go to bed.  When I felt homesick I wrote an email or skulked around on Facebook until it passed. 

But, my adaptability, I have noticed, also has it's limits.  This past weekend I joined our group from America, two Korean buddies and a bus load of annoying children to a city called Gyeongju for a sightseeing tour on the Silla Dynasty.  I noticed this weekend, more than ever, how much I despise the way in which Korean children are raised.  As though they can do no wrong, I watched children run through museums and touch things, talk back to their parents, hit their parents, fight and argue with each other, play loud hand held video games on a bus full of other people, run into people without apologizing, etc., all without being told to do otherwise. In America, I would never dare tell a stranger's child what to do in front of their parents.  It is far and few between that I have seen an American child act so poorly in public but, also, if a parent has an ill behaved child, that's his or her business, really.  However, this weekend, when I was almost pushed over by a portly child trying to sqeeze between me and the wall that was holding me up as I put on my shoes, I finally had enough and scolded him.  He was stunned by the look on his face and I was a little worried his parents would come yell something in Korean at me.  It didn't happen.  It amazes me that Korean parents are not embarassed by the way thier children act in public and their complete lack of manners.  "Face," protecting one's image, is so important here, it says it in all the travel guides, but apparently, children are the exception to that rule.  And I have learned that badly behaving children are the exception to my widening tolerance for all things different.

Before I left for South Korea I was so excited to meet new people once here.  And there were a lot of people to meet from Korea University, the CJ International House where we live, our school, Seoul Global, and families and friends of people we've already met.  It seems we meet new people so often it's a struggle to remember a name or what they have told me about themselves.  I found myself enjoying meeting new people but had no idea how utterly exhausting it is.  I found myself wishing in the third week, "I hope I don't meet anyone else new tomorrow..." which almost never happens.  It was so nice to make good friends with a couple of people here and have established people to turn to.  I did not realize how tiring meeting new people and establishing bonds can be.  I have the same friends for years back home, some still since high school, and I rarely make new friends except if I switch jobs.  I forgot how hard it is.

The last thing, and biggest element, that I am taking away with me is my growing pride in our freedom in the U.S.  It sounds so generic and trite but after seeing what the students at this high school go through, the stress they endure as mere teenagers, believing wholeheartedly their life will get easier when they get older, it's almost unbearable to watch knowing that life only gets more difficult as you get older.  I know most Americans cannot help but to take for granted the fact that we can do what we want with our lives as long as it is not hurting others.  We can buy a car that we love that wasn't made in America without being labeled a "traitor," we can marry outside our ethnicity without severe family tensions, we can study what we want in college, we can even skip college if we want.  We can pursue hobbies as a child, more importantly, we have a childhood worth living.
 There are always exceptions to those things listed, but for most Americans, we are able to pursue goals and ambitions with a "go for it!" attitude from our loved ones, even our teachers.  Our parents, while more strict bringing us up, are more laid back where it counts--what we want from our lives.  We rarely fret and stress over matriculating from only ivy league schools and we find occupations that, hopefully, fit our personalities and lifestyles.  I am really leaving with a sense of pride that America values individualism and that our own personality, and cultivating our own personality,  is important to those who care about us.

Renee and Bonnie outside a palace.

People make wishes by balancing a rock on another rock or object.

These mounds are actually tombs.

People buy these slates and write prayers or well wishes on them at the Buddhist temples.

Our other point of emphasis is: Share ideas about how to apply your cultural, international expereinces to your teaching in a US classroom.

That sense of freedom will probably color everything I do in my teaching career.  (As will discipline which I find so important within a classroom...and in public.) This trip, and the recognition of the difference between the freedom of Korean students and the freedom of American students, has stregnthened my adhereance to helping students find what they love about life, what they are passionate about and what type of education they will need in order to pursue it.  I want my students to see that hard work does have its rewards, some tangible, some intanglible.  But, I also want my students to understand that seeking only high powered careers and weilding great work success is only part of life, not life itself, and by only following the path your parents want you to can be disappointing in the end.  I want to be a motivator for success in the classroom, of course, but also a motivator to find other interests as well.  In history, civics and contemporary issues, especially, I think I can create and include examples of what students may find meaningful, interesting and, hopefully, inspiring. 

I also very much enjoyed having the counseling sessions and was better able to assess how teenagers think.  While the teenagers in America will be different in their values and priorities, the exercise of getting them to talk to me meaningfully has been invaluable.  I think this will be very helpful as a teacher, especially if I am having issues with a student and I want to know where they are coming from in order to reach a state of understanding.  I read a book called Urban Teaching: The Essentials, by Lois Weiner, once and she was an advocate of talking to the student to find out why they are behaving certain ways (such as always coming to class late or bringing coats to class when it is against the rules, etc...).  She maintains that by asking the student their reasoning behind their misbehavior, a teacher can see that the misbehavior is not personal and they sometimes have very good reasons for breaking the rules.  By counseling or speaking one on one with the student, the student will be more receptive to understanding your position and more likely to begin following the rules.  So the counseling sessions for me here was great practice.

As obvious as it sounds, this trip has really emphasized cultural differences within the classroom for me.  I think I wanted to believe, in the beginning, that the students understood me and I them.  I don't know if that was necessarily true.  Few teachers will be exempt from having cultural differences in the classroom--which is great as it gives the opportunity for more perspective and awareness for the students.  But, it can be difficult for a teacher who is not used to thinking in culturally diverse ways.  This experience has made me more aware of differences between myself and the students and how to work with them.  I ask the students many more questions now regarding their lives and culture rather than assuming it is the same as my own.  I invite them to tell me stories or give examples of how the material intersects with their own lives.  I am much more open to students who want to come and talk with me and ask me questions--before this experience I would not have talked with my students so easily.  It would have made me uncomfortable and anxious.  I think these were the perfect first students for me because they are so genuinely kind and curious.  It will help me with future students, not be so standoffish, and perhaps my new attitude will show the students they can come to me with issues in class.   
 
The last and probably most important cultural aspect I am taking away is I do not want my classroom run like a factory like many of them here are.  I do not like some of the classes that simply lecture while students sit and listen, maybe taking notes.  I do not want stuent robots.  I want the students more involved.  I would like my lessons more student centered than what I have been able to do here.  I want them to learn how to teach themselves and each other, to put more emphasis on cooperative learning, and understand how critical thinking is more important than memorization.  I have not had a lot of freedom in lesson planning here at Seoul Global, and that has been frustrating, but it has shown me what I would rather do when I have my own class.  I think by even seeing what I don't want to do has assisted me with teaching. 

I am so grateful for this opportunity as I feel it has forced me to think about my own personally held stereotypes and persepctives in a much more meaningful way.  Some were correct in ways, some were incorrect and I have adjusted, adapted and grown since being here.  I will come out of this a more mature teacher than having stayed in St. Louis, with a more global outlook on teaching and lessons, and a greater appreciation for the profession itself.

My last week of sitting in the library for hours on end is over...I'm sure I will be missing it by next week.  I completed a lot of lesson plans and even tried incorporating new activities that I found online.  I turned economic questions into games like Jeopardy, Hangman, and Who Wants to be a Millionaire?  Who knew economics had the potential for so much unbridled debauchery?---The kids won't know what hit 'em.  I kid, of course, wondering if the students will participate or I will be stuck with vacant, glaring eyes and a awkward silence of students wondering why I thought to try and make economics fun.  We shall see, I guess.  I've got to keep them awake somehow and straying from their normal routine is one way I thought may help.
I have been pleasantly surprised at my CT's willingness to allow me to change the lesson plans that she and her American co-teacher have put in place.  I have been sticking pretty strictly to the organization and flow that was set up per her original instructions.  It is not working for me, though, and not only are the students bored, I am as well.  Friday I showed her what I planned for this week, including new worksheets and internet activities and she seemed pleased.  She even wants to incorporate one into a co-teaching observation by the Korea Ministry of Education next Friday and she has asked me to co-teach with her instead of her American co-teacher.  Cross your fingers that I do not embarrass myself!

This week I also continued with my counseling sessions with the home room students.  I finished the entire class this week meaning that I have now seen everyone at least once and now the new wave of counseling begins.  The last four on the list were all boys...I think they were hiding from me a bit.  But since it was a testosterone only meeting I decided to question them on their mandatory military duty, how they felt about it and how it would affect their education.  All Korean men must serve two years in the service, there is really no way around it.  Wanting to know if the boys were bitter about having to join the military I pressed for answers beyond "it's our duty," and most were very honest.  One student said that he was angry that he had to serve in the military when he knew other countries did not force their young men to join.  One student thought it might be fun in the military. I explained that many of my family members had joined the service and enjoyed it, another student jumped in to correct me by saying that was different, they (my family) volunteered.
When a young man has to join the service  it disrupts the college education he scratched and clawed his way to get.  He must serve two years before the age of thirty and many begin school for a year, take a leave of absence, and come back afterwards to finish.  Many of these students said that they would also serve in this way. I asked the boys if they thought it would be strange to come back to the university after serving, older, maybe embittered, seeing friends already moved on to other things.  Several said that yes, it would be strange, and they became quiet.  It was obviously something they have thought about already, possibly not wanting to harp on it further.  I decided it was time to drop the subject and move on.
While I do not think military duty is not a bad choice for a young man or woman, this is a scary reminder that the South Koreans live day to day with an enemy directly overhead.  So important is this enemy that it interrupts this strong Confucian society's pursuit of education.  And it is disappointing that most students have to decide if they should disrupt their education or lose out on post-college contacts to serve out two years from the Korean government.  Picking the first option must be incredibly hard-- to drop it and pick it back up again later.  Waiting until later could be just as devastating considering how hard it must be to get a worthwhile job after college.  I don't believe that American students realize how lucky they are--no mandatory military service, they can go to any school they want to if they work hard enough, and they are allowed to be an individual.  I know that I took everything for granted in high school--I had no idea about this kind of life.

On Saturday we had to work.  Well...we had to wake up and go to school, I'm not sure how much actual work was involved.  We went to see a play, all in Korean, but sweet and easily understandable.  Plus an English teacher helped us interpret some of the dialogue.  It was a lot of fun, surprisingly, and the play left not a dry eye in the house.  After work (hah) we went to the War Memorial Museum and saw displays of the Korean War and also other wars since the dawn of the peninsula.  It was interesting and I am happy we had to time to go.

At the play.

Outside the war memorial museum.

Bonnie & Dan

N.Korea propaganda.